idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
