i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
