you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
