Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
