he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
birth control should be required to get into college
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
