Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
