she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
