Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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