I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
