The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
