my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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