I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
