My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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