wakey wakey hands off snakey
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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