Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
