yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He keeps bees of course he's weird
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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