from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
