I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
