Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
