you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
