So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
