i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
