We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
