today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
