Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
