I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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