So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bring me that man meat
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
