I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
