He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
