I think i sorta joined a cult last night
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The air was thick with penises
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
