i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
