oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my shit smells like andre
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They have beer where we have blood.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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