How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
