you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
