I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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