mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just google imaged poop.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
