And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Where is the hickey?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
