garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
