why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
