Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
