the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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