I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
