I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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