I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
