"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
