bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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