I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
