man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
