The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Drunk is a universal language darling
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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