Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
