i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
